Looking at these pictures is still so intensely surreal to me. I constantly felt like I was watching myself go through all of this, like it all couldn't be happening to our family, to our son, and to me. I think what kept me rooted was the guilt. The guilt that Daniel couldn't eat until after his surgery. The guilt that the nurses seemed to know more about him than I did. The guilt that I thought of getting back to Joseph when I was with Daniel. I'll never forget a nurse that gave me one of the best gifts imaginable. She had 8 year old twin boys and had fun chatting with me about her experiences. The second day I met her, out of the blue, she said, "I used to feel so guilty because when I visited my son in the NICU, I felt helpless. I couldn't wait to get back to my other son to feed him and hold him and feel capable." I felt like she had just opened up my heart and revealed every fear I had. Anyway, Daniel was absolutely so loved and taken care of in the CICU. We loved the staff and his "home" in the hospital.
When Brian wheeled me to Daniels room this was my first view. I started crying immediately at the care someone had put into this. And the fact that seeing his name made him sooo real and I was about to MEET him!
This was painted in his room. Still gives me goosebumps.
The monitors were completely overwhelming to me, but Brian learned every detail about it, to the point that the staff assumed he was in the medical field. I only had to look at Brian with a question in my eye and he'd answer my question.
That's Daniels little bed. The IV stand had all his wires attached, more than I could count and so when we held him, we had to be in position to not rip any of them out. I was convinced I was going to move wrong and all the alarms were going to sound and the nurses and doctors would run in screaming, "You are a bad mother...give him back!!" I'm only half kidding.
That's our sweet boy. The night before surgery. Oh my word, wasn't he the tiniest little guy? But such a fighter, even then. Thank you God, for letting me be his mommy.
The monitors were completely overwhelming to me, but Brian learned every detail about it, to the point that the staff assumed he was in the medical field. I only had to look at Brian with a question in my eye and he'd answer my question.
That's Daniels little bed. The IV stand had all his wires attached, more than I could count and so when we held him, we had to be in position to not rip any of them out. I was convinced I was going to move wrong and all the alarms were going to sound and the nurses and doctors would run in screaming, "You are a bad mother...give him back!!" I'm only half kidding.
That's our sweet boy. The night before surgery. Oh my word, wasn't he the tiniest little guy? But such a fighter, even then. Thank you God, for letting me be his mommy.
1 comment:
Look at how tiny he is and all those wires. I will say it again, you are one strong woman! I can't believe these boy are going to be a year already!
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