My Birthday Boy

Dear Nolan,

Every year I start your letter with something like, "how did another year go by so fast?" This year is no different and my heart lurches at the fact that my sweet bundle of baby is no longer really a baby, at least by societies standards. You are a boy. You are five today. FIVE. Five years old. Your baby cheeks are long gone and you talk more and more like a boy, than a baby. You definitely think like a big boy.

As with any big change, I worried about how you would do moving to Boston and saying good-bye to the only house you've ever known and many friends. And in typical Nolan-style, you embraced the change with excitement and joy and grace. You told me you would have 100's of friends in Boston and when we arrived you wasted no time getting out on your bike and making those friends. In fact your outgoing personality and eagerness to make new friends made it much easier for me to make friends, too. We watched you with your training wheels keep up with older kids in the neighborhood and finally, probably after waiting too long, we took your training wheels off. I couldn't stand to stay outside and watch your Daddy teach you to ride two wheels. You seemed too confident and I was sure you would fall and get hurt. I preferred to be indoors, waiting with bandages and juice and love. But you never came inside. After an hour, I ventured back out only to see you riding on two wheels up and down the street, with a huge grin on your face, still so confident and so proud. But not quite as proud as your daddy and I.

In the past year you have picked more flowers for me than I can count. Your eyes light up when you see one, you run to it, pick it and after you give it to me, insist we put it in water. Often you forgot to pick the stem, so there would be flowers floating in water on our windowsill to make me smile everyday. Your heart is so big and kind and you are always thinking of ways to make Daddy, myself and your brothers smile, laugh or just comfortable. At night when I read stories to your brothers, propped against their changing table so they can both sit in my lap, you come padding in the room with a pillow. "Sit up" you say to me (or Daddy). Then you put the pillow behind our backs. And speaking of your brothers, well, I could write four pages about your relationship with them and how amazing you are to and with them. You are boys and your brothers, so there of course is daily bickering. But there is mostly laughter and jokes and sounds of you teaching your brothers about cars, trains, knocking over towers. You are so gentle with them, especially Daniel. You often think you need to be Robin Hood. If you catch Joseph take a toy from Daniel, you'll almost knock J down to give it back to Daniel. If a friend on the playground or neighborhood looks at Daniel too roughly, you'll put your arms around his shoulder, look at that friend and say, "You need to be gentle, Daniel has a special heart." I have seen it a number of times and it humbles me to the core each time. You are very proud to be a brother and very proud of your brothers. My favorite time of each day is watching the three of you, usually at the table, laugh hysterically because you're all being mischievous. You just look at each other, laugh, look some more, laugh. Even when your being naughty, I can't help but join the laughter.

Next year you will start a new adventure. Kindergarten. My sweet boy, I can't begin to imagine 5 whole days without your jokes, pranks, laughter, love, snuggles, questions, hugs, your smile, your one of a kind spark. You light up my day. So this day, this 5th birthday of your life, I thank God that I have you home to spoil with sweets and stories and play and love. When you look back at this letter, I hope you'll understand how much I love you. How everytime you come into our room at 4 am to "cuddle" with me, bringing blankie and Mousey for you, Wolfie for me, I am so so happy.That having your sweet little body draped between daddy and I, asking me to scratch your back and sing the "pancake" song is the reason I wanted to be a mommy. The tiny moments. The fleeting moments. Listening to you tell the "interrupting cheese" joke to every kid, adult and stranger you meet and how you roar with laughter and then feel the need to explain the joke. I think that's the thing, Nolan...you are no longer a baby, you are a boy...but you are still, thankfully, so blissfully innocent. I will love you always and no matter what, but I have adored age 4, I have loved this last year with you, as I have loved every year. My heart is full of love and memories and gratitude, as we say farewell to another year. I embrace the year to come, Nolan, my sweet and I can't wait to see what you have in store for me, your daddy, your brothers and this world. Happy Happy 5th Birthday Nolan. I love you all the way to the moon and back.

Love, Mommy