Mother's Day is still one of the most special days of the year for me. Not because of the fact that my family spoils me (which they do) or that I know its going be a fun day (which it always is), but because I can still remember many Mothers Days when my arms were empty and the fear that went along with that. Would I ever have a little one to call me Mommy? Here I am, what seems like many moons later, with three boys. I would never have thought of myself as a Momma to all boys, to three boys. To a red headed boy. To twins. And yet, here I am. I wouldn't change any of it, not one little bit. So my Mothers Day tradition continues. Here goes:
To my sweet, Daniel. Because of you...
-I get to hear "cuddle me, Momma" throughout the day and I will usually stop and do just that. Cuddle you.
-I get to hear you walk up to me and in a tiny voice act like a certain "baby" animal. If its a horse you will say, "Naaah,naah" and I will scoop you up and be the mommy horse. You love this game and it makes you laugh so much.
-I get to celebrate this June with you that we've made it a year with no surgeries.
-I get to be the one who listens to the screams and cries as we drive to the doctor and walk into the doctor. And it is my lap you climb into and my ear that you beg "No doctor, Momma, no doctor help me. Go home now, Mommy." It is my hand that gets to wipe the tears, my shoulder you snuggle on, my arms that hug and hold you. It is my lap you sit in for shots, tests and more. It is my arms that cradle you when its over, my heart that breaks. It is my van that drives straight for McDonalds to reward you with ice cream. It is my heart that swells with pain, pride and love at your strength and courage, even when you don't want to have it.
-I get to sing "Moon moon" and "Twinkle Star" each night.
-I get to watch your mischevious grin when you steal food from Josephs plate.
-I get to hear you giggle.
-I get answer your many questions to "what's this" and listen to you reply, "Oh."
-I get reminded daily that life, every life, is a gift and that you are a miracle and that even though you face more challenges than some, your absoulte heart for life humbles and amazes me.
To my Joseph, my loveable, challenging, JoJo. Because of you...
-I get to hear the sweetest belly laughs.
-I get to answer non stop questions to "What dis for, Mommy?"
-I get to hear that I am pretty.
-I get to hear, "Mommy, I miss you" after I have been gone for a few hours.
-I get to sing you "moon moon" and "Twinkle Star"
-I get to see you take care of your brother and bring him books, toys, stuffed animals when he's upset.
-I get to hear you say to Daniel, "'mon nanny" (c'mon danny)
-I get to break up fights throughout the day between you and your brothers
-I get to hold you when you are scared or hurt and wipe away your tears.
-I know that you like to do everything yourself. Except go potty...
-I get to go to the park as much as possible.
-I know which book is your favorite of the moment and that you have to go to sleep clutching it.
-I get to hear you call Nolan "No No" listen to you repeat what he says word for word so that you can be just like him.
-I get to hide my hurt feelings that my little momma's boy has grown into a daddy's boy. My heart breaks that he's your first and only choice every day, going on two months. I comfort myself with the fact that you have an amazing daddy and that this is healthy and normal. But I miss you and I hope you'll soon decide you want to be a momma and daddy's boy. Hurry please, my heart hurts.
To my firstborn, my love, my Nolan. Because of you...
-I cannot leave without being body slammed with hugs and kisses (even if you have sticky hands)
-I get to try to learn this summer how to patch jeans, because you have shown me that boys like to climb. Everything.
-I get to watch you walk down the path to school, looking so big and independant, yet you still turn and wave and every once in a while say, "Love you!"
-I get to join you for lunch at school. And you still want to hold my hand in the hallway.
-You still love the pancake song and back scratches and you sprinkle cuddle dust on me so I fall asleep in your bed. That happens alot...
-If I get hurt, you run upstairs and get a stuffed animal for me.
-If I have a stomach ache you climb onto the counters, get a glass, pour me water and bring it to me.
-I get to open jewlery on mothers day.
-I get to watch you teach your brothers daily. Usually that's a good thing...
-I get to hear you tell people about Danny's special heart and I get to hear you tell other kids to be careful not to hurt Daniel.
-I get asked on dates.
-I get to cry happy tears at your drawings of us that you do at school.
-I get to go to soccer, basketball and tball games to cheer you on; and I get to see you glance over to make sure I'm watching and see that proud smile when you see that I am.
-I get to have movie nights with popcorn, junior mints and sprite. And cuddles!
-I get to watch you grow into a boy that I'm beyond proud of and am so in love with. You miss nothing and you make me the world in a way that alters my thinking and love more grandly than I thought possible.
Most days I struggle to get laundry, cleaning and dinner finished. I feel like a failure often and fall short in both housework and time spent with you boys. But I never fall short in my love for you. I could burst with pride for each of you. How you have taken my life and filled it to the brim with laughter, love and memories. You daily make me proud, daily you scare me, daily you amaze me. Thank you for making me a mommy. I will keep praying and trying to be a better woman because of you. I love you, boys. All the way to the moon and back, forever and ever.
Love, Mommy
