How is it possible that 9 months have come and gone that you have been a part of our family? Every day you spend with us, my heart somehow expands a little more and my love for you blooms daily. Every night when I lay you down, sad that I don't have more time to cuddle you and grateful for the moments I WAS able to cuddle you, I think, "I love you so much I could burst." The next day its a miracle I don't burst, because you make me love you more that day.
Joseph,
I say to you constantly, I have never known a baby like you. You are one of a kind. Hands down, you are my cuddler and I am so grateful to God for that. You are the one who almost seems to need me the most and our relationship is so different from your brothers that way. You want me to play with you non stop and spend lots of time screaming if someone can't hold you or play with you. Thankfully Nolan helps me a lot. You were the only one of the boys who seemed genuinly delighted and beside yourself to see me return from my girls weekend. Your face lit up, you smiled from ear to ear and you looked at me with an expression that's etched on my heart. You are determined to be on the go and your chubby little legs are constantly kicking and trying to walk, even when you're sitting. You have the strength and ability to cruise and have had it for some time, but just yesterday you finally trusted yourself to use the walking toy and let go of my hands. Before that, you wouldn't take a step unless my hands were on you. Now you are happily walking around giggling (with the push toy) and so proud of yourself, but not nearly as proud as I am! You are truly the most stubborn soul I have ever known, except for maybe myself. You know how to crawl, but don't like to because you'd rather walk. You are quick when you want to be, but prefer to wait until someone can help you walk. When we try to sit you down you lock your legs completely so we can't sit you down. When we "trick" you and do manage to sit you in front of a toy, you get so blazin' mad that you throw your whole body backwards. Heaven forbid there is a person, toy, dog or table behind you because landing on the carpet is painful enough and you get sooooo mad, but look at me or your Daddy as if we did it! Changing your diaper is truly a wrestling match. You have scared me on the changing table so often, I usually change you on the floor, or at least get you dressed there and the whole thing takes so much time and strength...you are strong, Joseph!!!
When you laugh, you sound like a little lamb. You like to feed me cheerios and crackers and delight when I actually eat them from your pudgy hand. You adore both your brothers and when we are at a party, I have a very difficult time getting you back, as you get passed around and make your way into everyone's arms, even people I don't see as "baby" people, you seem to charm! I love the nights when I can steal away and rock you as you fall asleep. My heart just bursts with love for you and with excitment for all that is to come. I love you Joseph, my Jo Jo Bear. Thank you for being my baby boy. Happy 9 months!
What a road we've traveled. My relationship with you is so different from Nolan and Joseph. I'm still in awe actually how a mother can love each of her children so much, so equally, but so totally differently. If someone told me that before you were born, Daniel, I don't remember it. Or perhaps I didn't understand it. But I do now. My love for you has grown and bloomed in tiny ways, in tiny moments in only a way that can happen through struggle, resulting in a love so big I don't know how to get a grasp on it. I remember how the first time you smiled, I cried. The first time you laughed, I cried (happy tears). Some days, now, when you laugh or smile, it still brings me to tears and nearly brings me to my knees with gratitude and joy. For a while there, I didn't know if you would ever be happy or be free of pain. You are so tough, and with all you've been through, you are the most determined little guy I know. Joseph often takes a toy right out of your hand and instead of getting mad, you just get another one. I'm sure that won't last, but it seems to be your personality, that you just make the best of things. When you fall, you cry, but not for long. You are army crawling now, rolling from one side of the room to the next, pulling yourself up and walking with our help. Both your brothers make you belly laugh easily and the sound of it is best thing in the world. You are not the world's biggest snuggler, much like Nolan wasn't, but you have been flirting with the idea that its fun to rest your head on my shoulder and snuggle in a bit when you're sleepy...if you're not sleepy, forget it, there are things to be done, toys to play with. You LOVE the bath and keep trying to stick your head under. Yep, scares me each time, but you are delighted and you splash so much that Nolan wonders why HE gets in trouble for splashing when you splash just as much but don't get in trouble. Your eyes are like the window to that old soul of yours and it is rare to meet someone who doesn't comment on how gorgeous those blue eyes are. They remind me so much of Nolan and so much of my dad, but at the same time seem unique to you, because you really do seem to be wiser than your years. My sweet Daniel, big D, I adore you and I love you. Happy 9 months baby cakes!!
XOXO,
1 comment:
You are so great about speaking right from your heart. what a beautiful mother theyhave!!!
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