To My Youngest Boys

Dear Joseph & Daniel,

Another year has passed. Well, a little more than a year, but I've learned that life with twins means being late a lot and this post is no exception. Two years ago we embarked on the scariest adventure of our lives. We welcomed you both into our lives on a sunny June afternoon, earlier than we expected, but late enough that we knew we were blessed that I could carry you so long. When I read my posts leading up to those days and the days after, I am amazed, humbled, saddened and overjoyed all at once. I can't fathom that I had to have a baby that I couldn't see, hold, touch or talk to for a full day. Daniel, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make that up to you. And Joseph, I look at those days when it was just you and I fondly, knowing I leaned on you in a way I never expected to and you saw me through some very scary and dark times, that were also laced with such beauty and perfection. I guess bittersweet is the word I should use. But those days are behind us, and now my days are filled with chasing, being a referee, kissing boo-boo's, reading stories, feeding, cleaning up, changing diapers, getting hugs, getting kisses and laughing.

I've learned that life with twins means never being able to make a quick trip to the store. Someone will ALWAYS stop us for a friendly chat. I've learned that there are a lot of people out there that don't have filters. I've learned that having more than one child is a juggling act and that mommy guilt is an ever present emotion. I've learned that two children that grow in the same womb at the same time can be total opposites. I've learned that I could have the hardest day possible and then two little toddlers decide they want a double snuggle and climb into my lap to be rocked and sang to sleep and my day suddenly turns into the very best day in the whole wide world. I've learned that hearing my youngest say my oldest names is magical. I've learned that double (and triple) laughter is the best sound. I've learned that bathtime with two little boys is a very messy job. I've learned that love languages are spoken differently for each child. I've learned that this job is hard, but important. I've learned that being a mommy is not pretty, but being YOUR mother is beautiful. I have enjoyed the past two years so much sweet boys and I look forward to the next year. I love you both all the way to the moon and back.

Love, Mommy